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Writing Tips: Wordiness and the Passive Voice
[PDF version] [Microsoft Word version]
Wordiness and the Passive
Voice
Sentences that are wordy
use too many words to make their point. Readers prefer sentences that are direct
and to the point. A common cause of wordiness is the unnecessary use of the
passive voice. Expressing ideas in the active voice results in sentences that
are both shorter and clearer.
When a sentence is written in active voice, the
subject does the action named by the verb.
When a sentence is written in the passive voice,
the subject receives the action named by the verb. In other words,
the action in the sentence is done to the subject. Look at these
examples:
 |
Active
Voice: |
John cut the apple in half.
[John is the subject;
John does
the action – the cutting.]
Martha must read the book by Wednesday.
[Martha is the subject;
Martha does
the action – the reading.]
A car hit the dog.
[Car is the subject;
car does
the action – the hitting.]
|
Passive
Voice: |
The apple was cut in half by John.
[Apple is the subject;
apple receives
the action – it is being cut.]
The book must be read by Martha by
Wednesday.
[Book is the subject;
book receives
the action – it is being read.]
The dog was hit by a car.
[Dog is the subject; dog receives
the action – it was hit.]
Changing Passive
to Active Voice
To revise sentences to change from passive to
active voice, follow these steps:
1. Identify the action in the sentence.
2. Identify the person or object that
performs that action.
3. Make that person or object the
subject of the sentence.
Here are some examples of changing sentences from
passive to active voice:
| Sentence:
What's the action?
Who does the breaking?
Solution:
Make Cindy the subject. |
|
The crystal
glass was broken by Cindy.
The breaking
Cindy
Cindy broke the crystal glass. |
| Sentence:
What's the action?
Who called
to order?
Solution:
Make president the subject. |
|
The meeting was
called to order by the president.
The calling
to order
The
president
The president called the meeting to
order. |
| Sentence:
What's the action?
Who does the rewriting?
Solution:
Make student the subject. |
|
The research
paper will be rewritten by the student.
The rewriting
The
student
The student will rewrite the research
paper. |
When to Use
Passive Voice
Passive voice is sometimes appropriate. This is
the case when:
|
The person or
object that performed the action is not known. |
Examples:
Wine had been spilled on the carpet leaving
an unattractive stain.
[The person who spilled the wine is not
known.]
The forest had been burned, and the animals
had nowhere to hide.
[Who set the fire is not known.}
|
The object or
person to whom the action was done is what or who is being emphasized or
is more important than the object or person who performed the action. |
Examples:
The president was shot by an assassin.
[The emphasis is on the president, not on
the assassin.]
The story was featured in all of the local
newspapers.
[The emphasis is on the story, not on those
who featured it.]
Other Ways to
Reduce Wordiness
Eliminating overuse of the passive voice is one
way to reduce wordiness. Others are:
|
Eliminate the
overuse of It is sentences in which it is not a pronoun
referring to a specific noun. |
Change: It
is understood by students that they will be tested.
To:
Students understand that they will be tested.
Change: It
is my impression that she is enjoying herself.
To: My
impression is that she is enjoying herself.
|
Eliminate the
overuse of There is and There are sentences in which there
does not refer to a place. |
Change:
There is a desire by the public for quality programming.
To:
The public desires quality programming.
Change:
There are five positions open on the city council.
To: Five
positions on the city council are open.
|
Condense
phrases by eliminating useless words. |
Change:
at this point in time
in light of the fact that
put the emphasis on
is reflective of
in the event that
make an effort to
for the purpose of
on the basis of
red in color
in this day and age
clearly evident
in order to
to make improvements in
can be said to be
|
|
To:
now
because
emphasize
reflects
if
try to
to
based on
red
now
evident
to
to improve
is
|
|
Eliminate
pointless announcements such as: |
I will explain
This essay will show
Let me say that
It is my opinion
In my estimation
Let me make clear
|
Eliminate words
that are repetitious or unnecessary: |
end result
completely finished
very unique
final outcome
point in
time
blue in color
large in
size
|
Eliminate
unnecessary intensifiers and qualifiers: |
very
kind of
really
absolutely
somewhat
|
